The Hunger

Contrary to what she thought before, Luana did not in fact have “lots of food” at home. It was a tough thing to wake up to. She opened the fridge and stared inside, feeling her soul shatter into a million pieces. There shall be no lunch today. And no dinner, for it is Sunday in Germany.

There’s nothing worse than thinking you have something and then realizing you don’t. Like when you dream that your parents got you the adorable puppy you’ve always wanted, but then you wake up in the morning and there is no puppy, just the fading memory of one that never existed outside your mind. And when that happens with food, it’s simply awful.

She walked slowly to her room, with a sad look on her face, the look of a broken man. Sitting at her desk, she assessed the situation. The stores are closed, so no chance of buying anything (though even if there was one, she doubted she could muster the strength to go… outside). The only thing to do was to make the most of the little she had.

How far away yesterday seemed. What she thought would be a quick, easy lunch, had turned into a regular feast, the kind where you can’t stop eating even though four bites ago you said that if you eat any more, you’ll explode. The kind that leaves you with a full stomach and a dreadful feeling of shame and self-hate. But also the kind of feast that your taste buds are forever grateful for.

Where was that now?

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Some things are better left in the past, she thought, remembering the leftovers in the kitchen which did not look tempting at all. The before-picture was drastically different from the after-picture and not in a good way – that food is definitely going to end up in the trash.  But what’s going to end up on the plate?

A student’s Sunday Lunch

Ingredients:

  • one zucchini
  • three tomatoes
  • two eggs
  • ham
  • pasta

Mix it all together, eat while quietly sobbing, and ponder upon the meaning of life.

But then the worst thing happened – she realized all the chocolate was gone.

I’M BACK!

And I felt the need to emphasize that by using caps.

It’s been brought to my attention that somehow, my blog died the moment I started college. I feel like these two phenomenons are hardly related, since the reason I stopped writing was that I couldn’t decide whether I should write in English or Romanian or both and it felt like such a big deal to me that I treated it like I treat my responsibilities: I pushed it to the back of my mind, never to be dealt with again. And yet here I am, 10 months and 6 days later, just dying to press that “Publish” button. Except I still don’t have anything relevant to say, however, I’m going to post something I’ve written a long, long time ago, and hope you’ll be entertained.

(I’m thinking this blog need a bit more girlishness to it. Also, I feel guilty for leaving my blog completely deserted while I’m lounging on an Italian beach.)

Disclaimer: I know little to nothing about make-up but no, I don’t find anything wrong with writing a tutorial about it. Plus, no make-up expert would classify the following as a smokey eye but what do they know? Gather your tools, my ladies!

Tools:

A kohl pencil. Black.

***

Apply eyeliner on the inside of your lower eyelid. Trace it twice, make sure it’s a really heavy black line.

Try to apply eyeliner on the inside of your upper eyelid. It’s tricky. Fail miserably.

Go to a party, get drunk, get wild, come home and pass out on the bed.

Wake up in the morning and voila, the perfect smokey eye! Reapply eye-liner and some black eye-shadow and you’re ready to go on with your day.

 

That was before going to Sardegna, Italy, almost one year ago. Oh, time…I just can’t keep up with you. Fucker. But enough insight for one day. I’m not promising anything, but you might hear from me again.

And now let’s take a moment and thank exams for offering me the proper motivation to do something productive like restarting my blog, in order to avoid doing actual work or curling up into fetal position and crying from frustration. Thank you.

Things I get unusually attached to

I’m writing this mostly to prove to myself that I’m not the only one who does all this shit. If you relate to any of the below, please let me know, I’ll feel better.

Clothes

As of today my closet is five bags lighter. But let me explain how I got there. Not only do I love clothes and buy them every chance I get, I also keep them for an atypical amount of time. I think I got this from my grandmother, who is known for not throwing things away unless it is absolutely necessary. That’s how I know all the clothes I wore as a baby, I’ve seen how “cute” my baby-shoes were and I know what beautiful notebooks my mother used to have in high school. And now I do that, too. The worst part is that when you hoard clothes for years, you kind of run out of storing places. I took one great step today, got everything I haven’t worn in at least one year and got rid of them. I took them to the Salvation Army (which was a weird experience in itself). I feel better knowing that it’s their problem now.

Notebooks

Cute ones. From all over Europe. But also, some unfortunate ones, bought on a whim from some corner shop, which I couldn’t bring myself to throw away. Anyway.  It’s something about white pages and pretty covers that makes me swoon and I’ve managed to gather quite a collection. It’s my (sometimes quite expensive) guilty pleasure and my weakness.

Digital photographs

This is actually quite tragic. I hate deleting photographs, I don’t know what I’d do if film would be the only way to go. I’d probably store mountains of film rolls  until I’d eventually get squashed by them. And I’d probably be a star on “Hoarders”. But really, I always take more photos than I have to, so I end up with residue. I usually go through them 3 or 4 times before I can delete about 20% of the total, and then I save the rest of them for “future use”. Because you never know when I might need to show someone this photo (I…I don’t even…). There are currently 13,077 images on my computer and even though I have no comparison, they still seem too many.

And in addition to the embarrassingly bad pictures I also keep all the RAW files, ever since I realized that RAW is teh shit! That’s why every single photo I take (including family vacation photos, obviously) has a larger sister with the same name, but with a .nef extension. Just so you get an idea, I made an animation of some of the photos I took of the sky from my room window, in Romania, which for some reason, I find fascinating. They are at least 4 years old, pretty much identical and mostly shitty. But they’re there, nonetheless. I’m sure there is an even bigger folder on my computer called “Sky” or something similarly ingenious but I couldn’t find it so I had to settle with these 68 masterpieces.

I’ve already scheduled a clean-up. It’s for Futureday morning.

PC games

Gosh, these are the hardest to get rid of. I always think “But what if I ever want to play it again?”.  I only remember deleting Roller Coaster Tycoon 1, but that was only after I got my hands on RCT 2. Also, I’ll never forget that time when my mom “accidentally” (so she says) deleted my Sims 2 along with all the expansions – those were hard times. And just so you know, I don’t only play shitty games; my Assassin’s Creed games will only die when my laptop does and that won’t be very soon.

Useless memorabilia

This one’s the worst because it takes up the most space and it’s just…nonsensical. I collect bus tickets, metro cards, entrance tickets to museums, postcards, interesting flyers I find (I really like these, it’s a shame I don’t have photos of all the pretty things I’ve gathered), notes I’ve taken, things I’ve written. Sometimes I do throw them away, when I feel overwhelmed, but still, the pile never grows smaller and I never learn.

Shit fashion designers say

Lately I’ve been watching too much Project Runway and now with the tenth season and all, I could spend hours talking about the designers and the clothes they make. But I won’t. Instead I’ll just give you this:

Just so you know, these may not be their exact words,mainly because I didn’t write any of them down at the time and my memory is not what is used to be anymore. Deal with it.

“This is really not my aesthetic AT ALL!” 

“I am a fashion designer, not a tailor!” (dramatic hand gesture)

“It’s chic, fashionable, sophisticated but at the same casual!”

“This is what the client wanted but at the same time, it’s got a lot of me in it, you know?”

“You want sexy, not slutty.” /”That’s too matronly, you gotta sex her up!”

“I like the direction this is going.”

“I don’t do menswear.”

“I don’t do plus size.”

“I don’t do evening.”

“So Tim Gunn didn’t like my outfit…” (eye-roll)

“I don’t think Tim Gunn  really understood my point of view.”

“What does Tim Gunn know anyway?”

“I looked across the room and I did not like what I saw”

“This is who I am as a designer.”

“My outfit is perfect, no matter what the judges say.” 

Of course it is, honey.

The ta-da list!

So here’s a nice twist to the ol’ boring to-do list. A ta-da list. As in “Ta-daaa, look at how productive I am!”. With bullet points, in no particular order.

  • I’ve read 6 books over the course of four weeks (yay!), but I’m still miles away from achieving my goal of reading 50 books this year. Consequently, I changed my goal from 50 to 20 and no, that is not cheating.
  • I am taking two online classes: Fantasy and science fiction on coursera.org  and Intro to statistics on udacity.com and they’re both super interesting, although the second one could have been  more challenging. I know it’s an introduction to statistics, but still, even my dormant brain can handle it.
  • I finally finished a project that’s been in my head for months (“project” is an exceedingly pompous word, but doesn’t that make me sound all grown-up?)
  • I was hoping this would be at least a five-item list
  • It is now.



To be honest, I’m kind of getting tired of photographing my face (or back or hands – you get the point) so if I don’t find a model soon enough, I’m just going to limit myself to posting pictures of streets and buildings.

And now, because I’m such a tease, I am going to direct to my Behance page (what did I tell you? Grown -up!) where I published this project, cleverly titled “Black and white self-portraits”. And I hope that you will appreciate my photos. With your mouse. Thank you.

Missing the Black Sea

I can happily say that I’ve had my share of salty water this summer – Romania, then Croatia and soon Italy. I’ve took long enough to make up my mind about posting the photos, though, but finally, after three months, here they are! 

As you’ll probably realize soon enough, I’m currently obsessed with light leaks and since I don’t exactly have the possibility to experiment with film, I just played around in Photoshop. I like what came out, but these are probably the only photos of this kind you’ll see from me. Anyway. Enjoy these (many) pictures from the Romanian sea-side, more specifically Vama Veche, which was fun, fun, fun!

We really enjoyed ourselves and I have many stories to tell, starting with the horrible place we stayed at, which was actually so bad that it soon became funny – first night we crashed at some friends and that meant four girls crammed together in a 2/2 room and two tiny beds, fighting over the blankets in a desperate attempt to keep warm. In the second night we upgraded,however, getting a better room that was actually clean and warm,  so you could say it was all for the best.

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Crossing over to the E-side

If some time ago I was fiercely defending “real” books and protesting against E-readers and the unnecessary use of technology, I can now finally say that I get it. I get it, okay? They are amazing. E-readers and E-books are amazing.

I mean, sure, they don’t smell like heaven and you can’t feel the soft texture of the paper as you flip it or leave subtle messages on borrowed books, hoping that sometime, someone will read them and it will brighten their day…but they are awesome. Now why don’t you all join hands and sing an ode to technology while I tell you what caused this sudden change of heart.

The real great thing about Switzerland is the amount of free stuff you can get – beside all the free food samples, that is. Maybe I should start with the funny story in which my mother started searching in a seemingly abandoned box, got about five coat-hangers out of it and casually walked away as I watch completely horrified. Apparently, as she explained later, stores give out their old coat-hangers for anyone to have.  The Swiss also offer free books from time in time, if you are in the right place. Free books, if you can imagine. Free. No charge. Books. Mind-blowing.

But now to get to the point, the Swiss also lend digital books, and for 5 francs people like me get to experience the wonder of E-readers for two short weeks, after which the happy bubble bursts and you realize it was all a dream. Like that dream in which you suddenly have an incredibly cute puppy that you can train and pet and love…and then you wake up and he’s gone. Except in my case I could actually buy the puppy if it weren’t so damn expensive.

So anyway, I got this baby from the library and for a while it is all mine (yes, altruism has never been one of my strong points) and I am going to make the most of it. Since I’ve been very lazy lately as far as reading is concerned (shocking, I know – I love reading!), I managed to collect quite an impressive number of titles on my to-read list and I am now ready and excited to check some of them off. Hooray for books!